Once upon a time when I was a mere 20 year old, I had a sorority sister tell me how different it was when you got out of college. How all of your sisters started to meet guys and pair off, walking out of your life one by one, never to be seen again (until they got broken up with). Spending their weekend with “John’s family” at the Creste Butte ski house, or going on dates every Friday night instead of getting completely wasted at a house party. And if they ever did show up to go out, they would be toting the guy with them, having a half a beer and leaving early because John had to work the next day. I laughed hysterically at this portrait of my life to come. Surely, this would never happen to me.

She also told me about how you’d move down on the “loyalty” chain. Time and time again, when  friends would enter serious relationships, friendships would fall to the wayside. My sorority sisters can’t marry me (although sometimes I wish I could marry my little. Hi Kaylie!), but they could treat me like a decent human being. Whenever one of my girlfriends would go through a breakup, I  would tend to get more attention from them. They would want me to fill the time again. Well guess what? I have a freaking life that doesn’t revolve around a DUDE. But no use getting mad about it, it would never happen to me.

And even when I moved on with my life, away from college, turning 21, 22, 23, I hung out with my guy friends. Night after night in completely platonic relationships, drinking on a Friday, going to movies, and arranging fun nights out. Never even thinking about the possibility that they could enter into a relationship and suddenly there would be this other girl there, encroaching on our rounds of cards, or calling every 5 seconds for directions. I never believed my guy friends would try to convince me to like this new girl, when obviously I was being replaced.

No, that would never happen to me.

But it’s Christmas 2012 and I am the only single girl in the Universe. Literally, at least that’s what it feels like. As I RSVP to these holiday parties and weddings I plan on going to alone, just me and my flask and the will to live (read: the will to look at another engagement ring and pretend that I like it). As this will be my 24th holiday Season without a boyfriend, I feel skilled in the survival skills needed to get through it. So, I have compiled a list of ways to get through this holiday season with a smile on your face.

1. Have a Drink
Seriously. What’s the use of all this wine bought for holiday parties when most of the couples won’t even drink it and leave early? Get crazy. Dance with your other single friends. Meet new people. Live life. Pioneer. Dress up, for you! Make every party The Best Party Ever. This is your time. Do whatever you want.

2. Laugh at Your Couple Friends
There’s a lot of people in my social circle that are engaged and also in serious relationships. And I am sooo happy for them. But what they don’t realize is that right now, while they are my age, they are pledging their life (THEIR WHOLE LIFE) to another person. And usually have only known this person/dated this person for a few years. Let me tell you. There are some shoes that I have had for a few years and I look at them and think, “What was I thinking?!” So think about if I had to wear those shoes every day for the rest of my life. I’m an idiot right now. I wouldn’t trust myself with picking out a pair of shoes to wear for the rest of my life (I thought Kangaroo’s were the jam), so how could I trust myself with a guy for the rest of my life? (Well, I have pretty bad taste in guys, but that’s another story.) Just this fact makes me feel a little bit better.

Couples also really suck sometimes. I hope that when I’m in a serious relationship (God willing) my partner and I will be fun to be around. We won’t fight in front of people or express extreme PDA. We’ll be pleasant and fun and people will want to come to our parties because we are warm and welcoming and care about other people, and not just each other. But right now, you can be like that. You can be your own person. You don’t have to rely on someone else to determine your mood.

3. Cry About It
Sometimes I think it is 100% okay to have a pity party for yourself. This year there was a guy that I was talking to and I really liked. It didn’t really work out the way that I had planned it, and the week I realized it was finally dead, I had the best pity party ever. After work, I went to the mall to buy some candles and ate alone in the foodcourt. Then I came home, drank a whole bottle of wine, popped You’ve Got Mail in the DVD player and hit mute, and listened to John Mayer live songs. Oh yeah, I also cried. Isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard in your life? Yeah. It was. And I was allowed to do that. I was allowed to feel heartbroken over a stupid guy that wasn’t even worth the scum on my shoe. You’re allowed to feel upset about this. How is it that you- wonderful, amazing, smart, beautiful you can’t find someone to love you and the girl down the street can? You’re allowed to feel that life isn’t fair.

4. Suck It Up and Do Something Productive
Okay, so how long did it take you to read that last paragraph? Like a minute? Now your pity party is over. Seriously. Suck it up. There are lots more people in the world that have bigger problems than you. Like people that are hungry, poor, homeless, have cancer or AIDS. Pick up your Tory Burch flats, put them on, and do something productive. You don’t have a boyfriend to distract you, right? Go work out, write something, volunteer your time. You can’t control when you meet someone, but you can control who you are when you meet them. And you are AWESOME! Isn’t there something that you’ve always wanted to do? Run a half marathon? Write a novel? Become a skydiving instructor? This is your chance. Because eventually, you won’t have time to do all those things. You’ll be changing diapers or cooking dinner and you’ll be chained down with all sorts of responsibilities. You’re not allowed very much time to sit around and feel sorry for yourself or post on Facebook how alone you are, because when you look back on your life, you’ll want to feel like you actually did something.  

5. Realize This is a Season
I don’t mean to get all spiritual on you, but I believe that everyone has a path. Everyone has a journey that they are on, and just because you’re single right now doesn’t mean you will be forever. You may not be picking out an engagement ring, but that’s because it’s not your time. It may not be tomorrow, it may not be next week, but the great thing about God (or whichever spiritual entity you prefer) is that he knows every step of your journey. This is a season of your life. He knows what you need and when you need it. And right now, He needs you to be single.

I also think it comes down to karma. I am generally a good person. I try not to say bad things about people I don’t know. I run charity miles. I don’t screw anyone over. And I know that all good things are coming to me. And if you believe you are a good person and do good things, then you will be rewarded. Hopefully with a tall, artsy-musician type with auburn hair and a great laugh.

Mal xoxo 
follow me on twitter, @malory 

One Response to Single Girl’s Guide To The Holiday Season

  1. Katie Daugherty says:

    Mal I could read your posts all day err day and I would be so happy. I can’t wait to read whatever you produce when you become a famous writer. I’ll say, “Hey we took tequila shots with cinnamon and oranges together.”

    Love in the Dove,
    Katie Daugherty
    Delta Chi 1152

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