This month’s article theme is responsibility. As I sit here three days after my article was due, with an

My life is piles of crap... (this particular pile will hopefully be cleared when the kitchen counter is finally replaced...)

My life is piles of crap… (This particular pile will hopefully be cleared when the kitchen counter is finally replaced.)

annoying voice (my own) nagging me to call the tile guy and finally get that quote, the contractor and complain about the excessive time the house repairs are taking, and the bank to get me back into my online banking which I was locked out of after I reported my bank card lost weeks after I wasn’t able to find it because I assumed it was somewhere in the piles and piles of crap stacked all over the house. And I just remembered that I never RSVP’d to that other birthday party that’s today while staring at the suitcases that haven’t been fully unpacked since last week, sitting right next to the baskets of laundry that still need to be folded and put away…I don’t think now is the time for me to blog about responsibility.

Even toddlers' lives seem overwhelming sometimes...

Even toddlers’ lives seem overwhelming sometimes…

Or maybe it is. Because sometimes, life overwhelms people. I’m fairly positive this happens to everyone, not just me. Either way, I need to believe this right now because I need to believe I’m not doing so terribly. Because the truth is, it feels like it’s that terrible.

I went from one day believing I had a great life to realizing just how quickly everything can seem to change just days later, when really nothing had changed, only my perception of it. I have to deal with the emotional aftermath of that for months, making the everyday annoyances otherwise known as responsibility just impossible some days. And it’s that one forgotten phone call, one avoided errand, one postponed chore that start to add up. Until you’re sitting on your bed hoping no one notices the shambles your life has become, trying to very belatedly start an article about teaching your kindergartner responsibility. And then you realize that you have no idea how much money you have in the bank, haven’t scheduled today’s necessary trip in to work, have a billion and a half unanswered emails, have no groceries in the house to feed the children, and no motivation to do anything about any of it. And if no one else is like this…then maybe I’m worse off than even I think.

It's like one big fat game of Sorry where all my pieces have been kicked back to "start."

It’s like one big fat game of Sorry where all my pieces have been kicked back to “start.”

Because, months later, I’m realizing I can’t just wish it all away, and things aren’t just going to get better on their own. This will take some doing.

So, I’m choosing to believe we all have times like this. When it seems like the world is showering sh*t on your head and nothing will ever get back to “normal” again…and maybe it really won’t.

20110330 008

At least the two most important squares are still intact!

But in choosing to believe I’m not the only temporarily irresponsible adult who is desperately trying to pull a life back around me like the squares of a shredded quilt, hoping to be able make it back into a blanket someday, I’m choosing to believe that I will be able to. That everyone goes through these things and everyone comes out on the other side. Their quilt may be sewn back together differently, some squares may be missing or damaged, but new squares can be added. The blanket will be whole again someday.

And I will have all of you to remind me to call the bank on a day they’re actually open to unlock my online account. And you to tell me it doesn’t matter if the kids’ pants aren’t folded or their shirts have wrinkles. And you to tell me the house looks great when it is FINALLY repaired (which really just will happen, no matter how terrible I am at returning calls these days). And all of you give me the motivation to get dressed on the days I’d rather not, and to get my next article written on time, and to remind me I have friends that are willing to help when needed.

I hope.

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2 Responses to Sorry,Responsibility

  1. Anne says:

    You are not alone…I gave up on the perfect planned life a while ago. Now we run run run and try to enjoy things along the way and if that means we pull clean clothing from a basket and the dishes aren’t washed every night than so be it.The years fly by fast and you have to grab those moments along the way…someday you will have time to do all the “other” stuff….well maybe!

  2. Teri Centner Teri Centner says:

    We do all have days like this! Or weeks even. So you have a deal; we’ll all be there for each other. :)

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